


Sloe Comfortable Screw Against The Wall

by dametokillfor



Category: Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: (Drunk Characters Making Out), Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Hangover, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-17
Updated: 2018-01-17
Packaged: 2019-03-06 04:12:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13403217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dametokillfor/pseuds/dametokillfor
Summary: He throws water on his face, and regards his reflection. There’s glitter everywhere, and a bright blue lipstick mark on his cheek. There’s writing in what looks like sharpie on his chest, from a Tyler, telling him he’s a great kisser and okay, something worked out last night.---In which Gabriel got very drunk, Ash got very lucky, and Kat got a lot of ammunition.





	Sloe Comfortable Screw Against The Wall

**Author's Note:**

> This is in no way inspired by a true story that tragically ended very differently.
> 
> Instead this is a totally fabricated story that I completely invented. 
> 
> Title is a cocktail, which seemed fitting for these drunkards.

He doesn’t so much as run to the en suite, as he slides across the floor in his socks and throw himself at the toilet bowl. Gabriel hates Kat, he hates sambuca, and he hates how easily he was talked into the multiple shots. He’s getting too old to stay out til 4AM drinking with drag queens, especially the young ones Kat knows, with their iron stomachs and livers.

He drops his head on the bowl, the thought of food making him feel like he’s going to bring everything he ate back up again. Pizza. He vaguely remembers pizza, and he thinks there were fries in there somewhere and _oh no_.

He can hear Kat yelling good morning from the lounge, and he thinks the fact he vomits again is out of spite. He hopes it’s making her feel worse.

It takes him far too long to get to his feet after hitting the flush. He throws water on his face, and regards his reflection. There’s glitter everywhere, and a bright blue lipstick mark on his cheek. There’s writing in what looks like sharpie on his chest, from a Tyler, telling him he’s a great kisser and okay, something worked out last night.

 

_(He is gorgeous, and Gabriel needs to make sure he knows this._

_Gabriel takes the shot the bartender is holding and tips it back, before poking his chest and announcing, “You are so hot. Like,” Gabriel covers his mouth, to hide the belch bubbling up, and holds up a finger so the pretty bartender knows he’s not finished yet. He’s treated to a glowing smile in response, and wow, he is magnificent._

_“Wow.”_

_“Wow yourself.”)_

 

He doesn’t bother wiping his face. He knows from experience the glitter will stick for at least a week - which will look great when he goes into the office. The lipstick will probably last just as long, drag queens don’t use inferior products.

He stumbles from the bathroom, heading to the lounge. He can see Kat’s hands stuck up over the back of the couch, holding a glass of water and a bottle of painkillers. He takes both from her before heading to his armchair and collapsing in it.

“Morning sunshine.” Kat announces brightly.

Gabriel flips her off, and rubs his forehead, “How aren’t you as fucked as me?”

“Liquid lunches everyday, darling.” She replies.

If that bullshit is true, Gabriel almost regrets not being the face of their partnership. Only _almost_. If he had to deal with some of the morons she tells him about, then he’d probably be in jail for murder by this point.

Gabriel finally opens his eyes and looks over at Kat. She looks exhausted, clinging to a water bottle for dear life. There's also glitter all over her, and she has panda eyes. She still manages to look gorgeous, and Gabriel hates her a bit.

 

( _“That your wife?” Pretty Bartender asks, nodding to Kat, who is talking to the only other person in the entire bar who looks over 40. A beautiful woman who looks far too distinguished to be in there._

_“Once.” Gabriel replies, “Nearly twice, but I passed out before Elvis could get to us.”_

_Pretty Bartender laughs, and Gabriel is totally calling dibs. He’ll fight anyone for this guy._

_“I mean, not that I’m not flattered, but there’s nobody to fight.” Pretty Bartender tells him, resting a hand over Gabriel’s, “And if there were, I’d be rooting for you.”)_

 

“So, do you remember anything fun?” Kat asks, with a smile that tells Gabriel her idea of fun is far different to his.

Gabriel doesn’t remember anything past a lot of alcohol and, “Brown eyes.”

“Ohhh.” She takes a drink of her water. The tone of her voice says she remembers a lot more than he does. “ _Him_.”

“Katrina.” Gabriel leans forward, “Darling. Dearest. What is that supposed to mean?”

“Oh honey,” Kat puts her bottle down, and gets to her feet. “It’s not fun if I tell you.”

“Fun for who?” He asks, as he watches her leave the room.

“Me, obviously.” She calls back.

He hears the shower turn on, and he figures he’s got a good twenty minutes to himself to figure this out. Gabriel rubs at his temples, and tries to think. He’s almost got something when he’s whacked in the head with the glittering dress Kat was wearing last night.

“Eggs please, Gabriel.”

 

\---

 

He flicks the radio on in the kitchen and is treated to the tail end of a camp 80’s classic. Gabriel can't resist shaking his hips just a little, if only because Kat isn't there. The song changes, and Gabriel is really happy Kat is in the shower, because even a hungover Gabriel can’t resist the desire to sing with Bonnie Tyler.

 

( _Pretty Bartender had promised him a shot if he played Karaoke Roulette. Gabriel didn’t really know what Karaoke Roulette was, but if Pretty Bartender was going to reward him, who was he to resist?_

_He was happy the mic was cordless, because it meant he could wrap an arm around Pretty Bartender’s neck as he sang ‘Holding Out For A Hero’ to him. Pretty Bartender’s pretty but female friends were cheering as Gabriel ran a hand down his chest, and made it very clear he needed to be the Superman to sweep him off his feet._

_The shot which followed his performance tasted of mango._

_“I’ve always enjoyed the taste of mango.” Pretty Bartender had informed him as Gabriel had slammed the glass down, “Though I imagine you taste good enough without.”_ )

 

Gabriel’s voice is hoarse by the time the song finishes, and unfortunately Kat has emerged from her shower. She’s got one of Gabriel’s old shirts on, and a pair of his shorts. She looks beautiful and soft, and Gabriel’s stomach flips just a little. He blames it on the hangover, not the fact she’s still one of the most breathtaking people he’s ever seen.

“Yes, darling, I’m stunning.” She agrees. Modesty has never been Kat’s strongest suit.

She takes a seat at the breakfast bar, and watches him with the eggs, “Though I’d probably be more worried about my virtue had I not just seen you singing Total Eclipse Of The Heart in falsetto.”

And the spell is broken. Gabriel throws slice of the mushroom he’s cutting at her, and she catches it without even looking.

“Remembered anything yet?” She asks, throwing the mushroom into the pan on the stove.

“Aside from why we’re divorced?” Gabriel replies, adding the rest of the mushrooms, “No. Just brown eyes.”

 

( _“Y’know, I’ve never,” Gabriel flaps his hand around to get his point across, “Why don’t they like brown eyes? Brown eyes are mysterious and pretty and… fuck, I love your eyes. I wanna… keep them. Attached to you… not like… in a jar.”_

_“Thank you.” Pretty Bartender says, “I appreciate being allowed to keep my eyes.”_

_“You're welcome. I love them.”_ )

 

“You were pretty obsessed with them.” Kat agrees, stealing Lorca's coffee and wincing as she tastes the sheer amount of sugar in it.  

Lorca plucks it back from her hand and takes a satisfying long drink, making sure to look her in the eye the entire time. He's nothing if not petty. He’s had four sugars his entire adult life, he’s not switching to sweeteners now.

He puts the mug down as he remembers something else, “Oh, and this.”

He pulls the collar of his shirt a little lower to reveal the message from Tyler.

Kat twists her head to read it and smiles, “That's not the name I remember. You're a slut, Gabriel.”

“Mm, takes one to know one, honey.” He replies, “Are you going to tell me anything about either of them? Or are we going to play this ridiculous game all morning?”

“Oh, I do like this ridiculous game.” Kat says, “Make me an adults coffee, and I may think about telling you a little more.”

Gabriel rolls his eyes, but grabs a mug - Kat’s favourite, delicately decorated with flowers and ‘fresh out of fucks’ - and fills it for her. No cream, no sugar, nothing except liquid bitterness that makes her such a fucking delight every hour of the day. He hands it to her, with a beatific fake smile that makes her snort.

“I like when you grovel.” She says, taking a drink.

The song on the radio switches again, Abba singing about wanting a man after midnight and Kat nearly chokes on her coffee.

 

_(Gabriel can just about hear the cheers as he leans across the bar, and grabs a handful of the gorgeous bartender’s shirt. He gives him all the time in the world to break free, but he doesn’t even pull back a little. The kiss is messy, with the taps and the bar in the way, but it’s the best Gabriel has had in years._

_Pretty Bartender has been drinking as well, Gabriel definitely hasn’t had anything that tasted of apple tonight._

_“Had to catch up a little.” He explains, when Gabriel lets him go, “Would have been immoral for me to kiss a drunk guy otherwise.”)_

 

“You sang Does Your Mother Know to him, undid most of his shirt buttons and told everyone in the bar that you were going to marry him.” Kat informs him when she finally stops laughing, “I had to talk you out of calling your Rabbi at half one in the morning.”

“I don’t believe you would ever talk me _out_ of anything, Kat.” Gabriel tells her.

“It pained me, truly.” She tells him, resting a hand on his arm.

Gabriel reaches up to rub at his temples, there’s been no relief from the painkillers and oh God, now he really wants to die.

“If it’s any consolation, he seemed very into the idea.” Kat adds.

 

( _The music is quietly playing in the background now, while the staff mill about around them closing down. He doesn’t know when they moved to a booth, but that’s where he is now. He’s happy for it though, he can get closer to Pretty Bartender. They’re swapping lazy kisses, and Gabriel can’t get enough of him._

_“Marry me.” Gabriel slurs, clinging to Pretty Bartenders hands, “I know a guy, I… we can totally… we could live happily ever after.”_

_“Gabe, you’ve known him a few hours.” Kat cuts in._

_“Don’t care.” Gabriel replies, “Gonna marry him. You wanna? I can call my Rabbi.”_

_Pretty Bartender kisses him again, “Yeah, I wanna.”_

_He grabs one of the many Sambuca shots still laid out in front of them and necks it, before diving into another kiss with Gabriel._

_“Kat!” Gabriel yells, pulling himself away from Pretty Bartender, “Am gonna marry him!”_

_“I know, sweetie.”_

_“Need to… need to call…” Gabriel reaches into his pocket and fumbles for his phone. Kat holds her hand out._

_“Let me find the number, you’re too drunk.”_

_Gabriel grins at her and hands the phone over, “M’best friend.”_

_Kat reaches up and cuffs him around the back of the head, “You’re drunk, idiot. You can have this back when you can see.”)_

 

“Oh, I almost forgot.” Kat says, reaching into the drawer next to her and throwing Gabriel his phone. The draw is usually where he keeps his cutlery, but Gabriel supposes they were both annihilated last night.

Gabriel is almost afraid to open it, he has no idea what he’s going to find on the screen or in his gallery. Kat had once changed his wallpaper, all his contact photos and his screensaver to a dick pic that he’d sent to another man he’d drunkenly fallen in love with. The phone call he’d received while sat next to an important client during a meeting was the reason he decided to get a separate phone for work.

“There’s nothing embarrassing on there.” She tells him, sounding disappointed, “I checked.”

He unlocks the screen and it’s blessedly still the photo of Kat in Mickey Mouse ears, being dragged away by Disney security after calling Goofy some very not Disney friendly things. He can’t imagine ever changing that wallpaper.

“He’s still an asshole.” She points out.

“Yes, dear.” He replies, putting the phone down and portioning out their breakfast.

“Only two plates?” Kat asks.

Gabriel cocks an eyebrow, points between the pair of them, “One, two.”

“Oh.” Kat smiles, “You don’t know.”

 

( _Gabriel thinks bringing him home is the best idea ever. He can see where he’s going to live when Kat lets them get married, and he can make the best eggs ever for breakfast. They’re not gonna have sex, they’re gonna save themselves til marriage like good boys._

_But they’re totally gonna drunkenly make out._

_Gabriel has him on his back on his bed, and is kissing down his neck, down the deep V of his t-shirt. Pretty Bartender - who totally told Gabriel his name too many drinks ago - is making the most beautiful noises and Gabriel isn’t going to have sex with him. No way._

_“Gabe, Gabe, stop, stop…” Pretty Bartender pushes Gabriel away, and looks at him very seriously. For a moment, Gabriel is worried he’s done something wrong, but Pretty Bartender has a hand over his mouth and_ oh.

_“Down the hall, to the… not left.” Gabriel tells him._

_Pretty Bartender dives off the bed, and stumbles down the hall as fast as he can. He must be gone for an eternity, because the next thing Gabriel knows, his eyes are falling shut and he’s suddenly very tired._

_He can lie down for a little while, surely. They can totally just cuddle._

_As Gabriel drifts off to sleep, the last thing on his mind is Ash Tyler.)_

 

“His name’s Ash Tyler.” Gabriel says, looking to Kat, “And he might be dead in my bathroom.”

“Tyler! So, you’re not a slut.” Kat gestures to the scrawl down his chest, before digging into her eggs, “And he isn’t dead. He snores _really_ loudly. How did you not hear him?”

“When were you going to tell me he was asleep in my bathroom?” Gabriel asks, “Wait, you… showered…”

“In your en suite. Don’t worry, I didn’t scare him off with my demon pussy.” Kat replies, nonchalantly, “By the way, why didn’t you let him throw up in there?”

“Kat, I sang Abba willingly, you think I’d remember the layout of my own house in that condition.”

She waves a fork at him, “True.”

Gabriel starts splitting his eggs, pouring half onto a second plate, maybe a little over half. Are eggs and mushrooms an acceptable apology for leaving the cute guy you drunkenly proposed to in your bathroom all night after he threw up? He pours the rest of them on the plate and grabs his fork, before leaving Kat in the kitchen and heading to his bathroom.

“Good luck, lover boy!”

He pushes the door to the bathroom open slowly, in case Ash is asleep on the floor. There’s a towel on the floor, and an arm hanging out of the large bathtub. Kat was right as well, the snoring is horrific. Gabriel quietly sneaks into the room, and shuts the door behind him. He peers into the bath and there he is.

Even more hungover than he’s ever been in his life, with no glasses on or contacts in, Lorca is blown away. Ash is stunning. He’s tall, his legs must be uncomfortable, folded up in the bath. He’s got gorgeous, dark skin that Gabriel remembered tasted like heaven under his lips. His hair is thick, and dark, falling over his eyes. He’s a lot younger than Gabriel remembered and oh God, he really hopes the beard isn’t hiding a hirsute 21 year old. Again.

An awkward half-snort, half-snore and he’s opening his eyes, those gorgeous brown eyes that Gabriel remembers vividly. He looks over to where Gabriel is standing, and looks him up and down. He smiles to himself, before reaching up and rubbing his head, “Well, at least I can die in your tub knowing you’re still gorgeous when I’m sober.”

Gabriel laughs.

“Feeling’s mutual.” Gabriel says, with a smile. He holds up the eggs, “ _So_ , fancy some breakfast before the big day?”

Ash groans, before laughing and holding his hand out for the eggs, “My future husband is the best.”

**Author's Note:**

> The "eyes in a jar" moment is dedicated to my best friend, Nat, who drunkenly announced that repeatedly about Paul Bettany several years ago. I've never forgotten.
> 
> Come squee with me on [Tumblr](http://leonardsnarts.co.vu).


End file.
